Asking Eric: Husband’s Old Girlfriend Keeps Posting About Him on Social Media
.png)
My husband’s old girlfriend keeps posting about him on social media. It’s nothing overtly romantic, but she brings him up in nostalgic posts, shares old photos from when they were dating, and occasionally tags mutual friends in memories that include him. I’ve asked my husband about it, and he says it’s harmless and that he doesn’t talk to her. But I can’t help feeling uncomfortable. Am I overreacting, or is this crossing a line?
— Feeling Uneasy
Eric’s Answer:
You’re not overreacting. You're feeling something real, and your discomfort deserves attention. In today’s world, where social media blurs the boundaries between past and present, it’s normal to feel uncertain when someone from your partner's past keeps resurfacing online — especially when those posts involve personal memories that you weren't part of.
Let’s take a deeper look at what might be going on here and how to navigate it constructively.
Nostalgia vs. Boundaries
First, let’s acknowledge that nostalgia is a powerful force. Many people, as they grow older, look back on past relationships with a kind of rose-tinted lens. Social media gives us an easy way to reflect on the past, reconnect with old friends, and share pieces of history. From one perspective, your husband’s ex may simply be reminiscing — not trying to rekindle anything.
But here’s the important part: intent doesn’t erase impact. Even if she isn’t trying to start drama, her posts are having an emotional impact on you — and your relationship. And that matters.
What you’re describing isn’t just an ex sharing an occasional "Throwback Thursday" photo. She’s repeatedly referencing her time with your husband, keeping a part of their past relationship public. When someone consistently posts about their ex — especially someone else’s current partner — it’s reasonable to ask: What are they hoping to accomplish?
The Role of Your Husband
Your husband’s response is also a key part of this equation. You mentioned he says it’s harmless and that he’s not communicating with her — which is good. But it’s worth asking whether his nonchalance may be downplaying your valid concerns.
Does he understand how this makes you feel? Has he made an effort to set boundaries, even if passively (for example, unfollowing or muting her)? You’re not asking him to control her — you’re asking him to protect your shared emotional space.
Marriage is a partnership. If something is bothering one of you, it deserves to be taken seriously by both of you.
What Could Be Going On With the Ex?
While we can’t know her true motives, it’s worth considering the possible reasons someone would repeatedly reference a past partner online:
-
Unresolved feelings – She may still have emotional ties, even if she doesn't act on them.
-
Attention-seeking – Perhaps she wants validation or likes the attention the posts bring.
-
Marking territory – Some people, consciously or not, use nostalgia to remind others (or themselves) of their past significance.
-
Loneliness – It could simply be a way to cope with isolation or regret.
None of these reasons justify behavior that intrudes on someone else’s relationship. But understanding her possible mindset may help you and your husband decide how to respond — or whether to respond at all.
Is This a Red Flag?
Not necessarily — unless your husband is engaging in secrecy or defensiveness. Based on what you’ve said, he doesn’t appear to be interacting with her or encouraging her behavior. That’s an important distinction.
That said, if he seems dismissive of your concerns, or refuses to acknowledge how this is affecting you, that might be a relationship issue worth exploring further — either through deeper communication or with the help of a counselor.
Navigating This Together
Here are a few steps you and your husband can consider:
1. Have an Honest Conversation
Sit down with your husband and explain how the posts make you feel. Use “I” statements to avoid sounding accusatory:
“I feel uncomfortable when I see her posts about you. It makes me wonder if there are boundaries being crossed.”
Your goal isn’t to make him feel guilty — it’s to ask for support and reassurance.
2. Set Digital Boundaries
If he hasn’t already, your husband could unfollow or mute her. That way, her posts are less likely to show up, and it sends a subtle signal that he’s moved on. He doesn’t have to message her or make a public statement — simply creating digital space is often enough.
3. Consider Blocking or Adjusting Your Own Feed
If you’re following her or seeing her content, consider whether you need to. Your peace of mind is more important than keeping tabs on someone who’s causing anxiety. Unfollowing or muting may benefit your mental health.
4. Address It Directly (If Needed)
This is a delicate step, and not always necessary. But if the posts escalate or continue in a way that feels disrespectful, you or your husband could kindly message her to say something like:
“I’ve noticed some of your posts referencing our past. I’m in a committed relationship now, and I’d appreciate it if we could let those memories stay in the past.”
Only do this if you both agree it’s the right step — and expect mixed results. Some people take it well; others don’t.
Respect and Closure
At the heart of this situation is the concept of emotional boundaries. Every relationship has a past, but when that past starts spilling into the present, it’s fair to ask for respect and closure — not just from exes, but from your partner too.
You don’t need to police your husband’s past. But you do deserve to feel safe and secure in your present. If something or someone is making you feel otherwise, you’re not overreacting — you’re listening to your instincts.
Final Thoughts
Social media can make emotional boundaries tricky. Posts that seem innocent on the surface can carry heavy undertones. The key is to trust your feelings, communicate openly, and work together as a couple to protect your relationship from outside interference — whether it comes in the form of nostalgia or something more deliberate.
Your feelings are valid. And the good news is, if your husband is on the same page as you, this can be handled respectfully, privately, and decisively.
You don’t need to win a silent battle with an ex. You just need to make sure your partner is standing beside you — not behind you, watching the past play out again on someone else’s feed.